Doctors Shocked as Experiments on Children Prove Harmful

Noted propaganda outlet, The New York Times, admitted that puberty blockers and cross-sex hormones may have negative side effects on children, such as reduced bone density. Doctors are stunned to realize that medications designed to interfere with normal human growth could do anything other than help.

"This is hard for us to understand," said Dr. Dorothy Jekyll, "We know these kids have the wrong bodies, because children's desires are always grounded in reality. I almost wonder if we just aren't giving them enough experimental drugs. I've always believed, if your first experiment fails, experiment harder. That's the scientific method."

Our sources say pre-eminent physician, Dr. Jill Biden, refused to comment, but was lip-read saying, "How could we have known? Not a single person in America could have predicted this. When have unnecessary medications and surgeries ever hurt anyone before? There's no precedent for this."

Some Democrat leaders suspect Donald Trump is behind this medical malpractice. Outgoing House Speaker, Nancy Pelosi commented, "Well, we know he's transphobic. We know he wanted to inject people with bleach. Who knows what he's putting into these poor transgender children?"

But there is hope in medicine. Dr. Dorothy was excited to tell us about a new infant weight-loss drug that promises to solve the obesity epidemic as soon as early next year.

Story by Nate Holstein

New Hereford Bull'O'Meter: 75%
Base story true, quotes speculative.
Original story: https://www.nytimes.com/2022/11/14/health/puberty-blockers-transgender.html
Another take: https://www.ncregister.com/blog/nytimes-they-paused-puberty-but-is-there-a-cost

Comments

Apple’s New App, iObey, Lets You Outsource Slavery

Cupertino, CA - “Everyone hates to work,” said Apple CEO Tim Cook, “The long hours, the stress, the sense of accomplishment. With iObey that will be a thing of the past.” Apple is working together with the People’s Republic of China to bring the same high quality, low cost, slave labor that Apple has enjoyed for years to the ordinary iPhone user. Apple was able to show goodwill to the PRC by helping them in their efforts to shut down communication among protestors in the past few weeks. Apple says that for a low-cost subscription of a few dollars a month users will be able to outsource many common tasks: writing badly worded emails, doing math homework, and recording Tik Tok videos. “This is just the tip of the iceberg. The creativity our customers demonstrate to avoid work is limitless," said an Apple spokesman, "This also fulfills another one of our goals. Progressive young Americans have been crying out for socialism, and Apple is going to really give them a feeling for ...

Canadian Autocrat Trudeau Bans Poutine, Sparking Fears of Famine

Ottawa, Canada - Fresh on the tail of banning handguns, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, has initiated a ban on poutine. Poutine, a staple in Canadian diets, is French fries covered in gravy and cheese curds. A spokesman for Trudeau issued the announcement, "Now that we've eliminated handguns, we need to look at the real big killer in Canada, eh. Far more people are dying of poutine-related heart disease than were ever killed by guns. We Canadians are usually too polite to shoot each other, but we're also too polite to say 'no' to a second helping of poutine." Opposition leader Pierre Poilievre responded, "He's gone too far this time. The Canadian people will not put up with this. The entire food supply chain is set up around poutine. Without it, millions will starve. He'll have rioting on his hands. Does he expect us to get all of our calories from maple syrup?" Trudeau's spokesman gave a heated response to questions on this topic...

Biden Asked to Support "Free China," Gives Away White House Dishes

As protests spread across China, and the cry for freedom rings out, many have been wondering, "Where is the voice of the American President, figurehead of freedom for the world? Are we only going to get weak statements giving vague support of the right to protest?" Now he has spoken. At a recent press event President Biden was asked, "Do you have any plans to help the Chinese people who are bravely protesting, fighting for a free China?" Biden appeared moved by the question, and wandered away from the stage. Several minutes later he came back into the room with an accomplished grin, and carried a large cardboard box to the podium. Biden spoke, "I have always, 1950, 1960s... I have supported all Asian and Chinese Americans. When I was a young man I worked with them on the railroads. The Irish and the Chinese. We were one people. You can't ship a container... a bus, or a car on a train... without an Asian American's help. So if they want free... the f...

The New Hereford Times

Search This Blog